Self-evaluation

I thought it would be ok to share my feeling now
to make myself feeling better a little bit
and if it is something similar to what you are feeling now
chill up cuz you are not alone

Positive thinking (I think I have it) has been helping me a lot
to deal with things around, whether it is pleasant or not
But there is sometimes like now, that it does not work anymore
The depression level has matured to a point to take it over
And I think this is the first time happening to me
as things went on previously have been great
and never I had this kind of things bothering me so much in my life

From other perspective, it's good
to remind you that great times do not last forever
sometimes things are bad, just to make life more real to you
so that you don't always stay in your wonderland
taking things for granted
There are just things that you can only achieve
by putting hundred times more effort than usual one
like this goddamn degree that I am pursuing now
Whether it's worthy or not, it shall be seen

I do know that the study alone
would never be enough
to create this much of damage to me
it's more like the accumulative stuff
plans after plans for me that did not work out
I am like a big liar to myself.
Things are meant to be achieved not dreamed
I wonder how people can take things so easily
including his/her career that will change their entire life
There are just some places or points that
you can not make a single minor mistake I think
But God bless them, they just can do it
Anyways, I am who I am
I am not gonna adapt myself
to live their lives they want to be

Another thing that really pushing me to edges
is my marriage, I will be a legal husband soon
and yes it is a wonderful thing
when you know your wife is perfect for you
and she deserves a better wedding ceremony
At this point of time, I am really struggling
to find a balance to hold a magnificent wedding
while exceling in my study
Financial is the main culprit,
lacking of psychological support is second
Blame myself for that
choosing to get married at this age
is just not that feasible
for a student, born in middle-class family

The even worst thing is
I may be good I think as a good listener
for friends who are in trouble or dilemma
at least I can cheer them up to a certain extent
if we happen to share with each other
But it's almost impossible for them to
cheer me up if I am the one in dilemma like now
My future wife asks me
'what can I do to make you happy
when you are depressed and sad?'
The great thing is, I dont know either
so I think there is no ways
but to let it healed by nature
Sometimes food, sport and singing may help a little
but certainly not chit-chating,
well, blogging might a little bit helpful
cuz it's a one-way sharing
I am sort of enjoying it

So my advice is never try to get married
upon finishing your PhD,
it will definitely cut your head open!
Either you finish your study first,
or get yourself settled with family first.

Cheers!

Stepping to an almost-final stage

After a-few-week efforts,
I've finally completed my thesis first draft,
and managed to hand them over to my supervisor,
and of cause to his standard,
it's away too far from completion.
Credit goes to a friend of mine,
who wouldn't mind to devote his time
to check my thesis,
very much appreciated his effort.

Next thing to work on is the manusript,
thanks to the 'privilege' that I was given,
I sincerely hope that it will end up in a good journal,
without having to do more experiments,
or if necessary, minor experiments.
Hopefully I can finish the writing in time
then thesis submission, then viva, then PhD.
Then a job, and by that time, hopefully I am qualified
enough to compete with the outside world.
to secure a proper job, and start feeding my family.
For me, that's the only reason why we work so hard
to get money, it's to feed a family, people you love,
and if you have extra,
you should try to 'feed' others as well
whoever deserve to be helped
but that's afterwards, we all have to feed ourselves first,
ironic enough...

Two months down the road,
I'll be a husband of a lovely girl.
Responsibility is there, so I better strive
to make thing happen as planned.
I am not making it as a burden
but a motivation, a driving force
to keep me going,
I just feel more comfortable this way and suitable in a sense

Throughout these few weeks,
I have been working quite tightly with my colleagues.
so call working as a team.
Conflicts do happen and sometimes it's annoying and frustrating
but it makes me clearer on
what kind of person I am, and how I will become
when I will work as a lecturer, researcher, and a supervisor.
We, at least me, never stop learning from what we encounter everyday
After all, learning to live itself is a lifelong dictionary
if you ever realize.

Looking at my progress, I think I am doing not too bad
but certainly going to be away from what as planned
Looks like I really need to work even harder after this
I mean after raya's break
resting is to continue an even longer journey haha
All the best! Good things never end.

Respect Love

Being kind of a self-centered person,
I am never a good love-teller,
all sort of loves,
meaning when I love someone,
I am okay to express it,
but I am not okay at all to say it.
I think many are like me though.

For a person like me,
it really takes me a while
to understand the importance
of telling 'love' at the right time.
But I think I do now,
hopefully it's not too late.
Everyday I am still learning it,
and practising it on a phone.
And it feels just great to love someone 
while you're feeling loved

'We live to experience,
we experience to live'

With experience, you certainly live a life
with a better quality.
Taking about maintaining a relationship,
with times, I have learnt that 'being responsible' 
is no longer enough to eternally keep a relationship.
Personally, I think 'Knowing how to respect each other
'is even more important
than stamping the 'responsibility'
on your forehead to keep you loving

Nobody is perfect,
however a person's strength 
can be maximized while 
his/ her weakness is being minimized,
depending on your judgement.

Perhaps it is true that everyone
has to have at least 'a' strength 
for him/her to earn a respect from others.
However it's very unlikely that 
you are struggling to find one from
the one you love.
If that is the case, 
I suggest you to better leave him/ her
because his/her weakness has probably
masked over his/her strength.

When you respect your loved one,
while you feel you are respected,
nothing can tear you apart.
It's like a electrostatic energy,
holding the particles in place.
But how many people can really understand 
and respect your loved one?
All of us are working very hard towards it

Respect - a simple but a big word

Living a peaceful PhD life

PhD is perhaps the last grade of 'registered' student life
So it's natural that it is tougher than other grades
Funny enough, to sort of making it more relaxed
People have come out with a great variety of 'PhDs'
with respect, of cause
'Permanent head damage'
'Patiently hoping for a degree'
'Probably half dead'
'Pounding head on desk'
'Pleasing heartedly your Doctor'
and many many more
I think all of these are very right
especially the last one
'Pleasing' your Doctor,
but certainly not 'pissing' your Doctor

After almost 2.5 years of study life,
I have some valuable lessons
to really live a successful PhD life,
you have to always strive
to rejuvenate your Dr,
keeping him on top of the world by all means
Like being proactive enough
independent, obedient, disciplinary
or even being 'happy' and showing it
by making your smiling face to cheer him up
not to mention being his 'slave'
It sounds like a hypocrite, but it's how it works
Because at the end of the day
he is the only one who gives you the degree

I have seen too many 'live' examples in the lab
the consequences of every word, action or thought
which sometimes I agree, sometimes don't
It doesn't really matter actually,
as at the end, you are on your own
you drive your relationship with your supervisor,
winning it or losing it, you are solely responsible
so you gotta face it
But sometimes it spreads
people drive moods vice versa moods drive people,
when he is in bad mood due to one person's fault
it's very likely that the whole lab will be blamed
whether it's acceptable or not
For me, that is the art of working as a team,
although your experiment might stand alone
not requiring so much of team work
It's extremely important for you to understand,
trust, support, and also motivate each other,
both mentally and professionally with expertise
Blaming one for his/her fault to ruin the ambience
is not really an option,
unless one is too sturborn to take advice
and making effort to correct it
then God helps him/her

Above is just a word or two of sharing, no offense
people know you are good by feeling it,
not by telling it
Thanks god as far as my progress concerns
I think I am doing fine
thanks to everyone who supports me all these while
Being my balloons to receive my pressure
especially those sport mates

Next month will be an important month
I will call it a month of 'show-to-the-world'
as there will be a number of meetings going on
that we will present our research work
I really hope that everything will go fine
according to the plans and schedules
Time is ticking faster than I have imagined
Getting nervous now while looking forward
all the best to us
May God and His blessings with us!

Life partner - the right choice

Absolute sturborn or principal (adjective) are common characteristics of women
I am not saying we don't have guys with these problems
Sorry, but I think overall statistics suggests that women are more dominant
It might be due to the hormonal wave scientifically (no offense)
Trust me BOYss, girl with either one of these, will kill you in and out
and definitely not a good choice to be your life partner
I have kinda experienced it once in million years
but lucky enough, it's only 'once' in million years, thanks God
She is not as sturborn or principal as others who I have met in my life
and I know there are many more out there that soon enough I have to deal with
Being not so sturborn or principal is good for our relationship,
by minimizing the fightings
but sometimes it harms her in her job at her position
When you are taking charge of something,
you certainly need to be a principal but not sturborn at times
especially when you are working as a professional
where there is a risk to cost a human life
But it's fine, being not so sturborn
enable us to clearly look ourselves back
what kind of person we really are
and being able to criticize ourselves or accept critics
certainly make us better persons, a better partner for each other

Ladies and gentlemen, try not to be sturborn all the times
as it limits your learning, pissing off people around you
and more importantly it shortens your lifespan by emotional killings
Yet we should be principal at times
especially when we are dealing with spontaneous matters
as in the jobs or personal stuffs
Not only you earn other respects, but also your own respect
making you feel motivated in fullfilling your dreams
and living a successful and satisfied life

Selfishness can ruin one's life

I am staying over the weekend in KL,

a place sometimes I'd like to stay,

sometimes I don't, especially when I get caught in the traffic.

It's extremely glad to see that she is doing good

at her new working environment

the business is picking up slowly, but not as bad as we think.

The even exciting thing is that she seems to enjoy 

working there, it's undoubtedly a great experience for her,

preparing for her future

both in knowledge development and management skills

Looking in this way, it has become firm that 

I will be settling down in KL for the next 5 years after my study

Job hunting at points, is going to be very challenging

but for the sake of us

I gotta try really hard to secure a position somewhere here

At times, I feel like working at my hometown, Penang

but looking at the whole picture, it would be selfish if I do that

May everything happen as we wish

Living a meaningful is not impossible after all

Always believe things happen for a reason

Ups and downs always appear in our lives.
Instead of blaming, we should always appreciate
as we are given an opportunity to learn to overcome them.
Every session of problem-solving is a valuable lesson
No pain no gain, I would rather be a person who face problem in occasion
than a person who sails smoothly from the day he blinks still the day he stop blinking
Yes indeed I encounter problem on and off, but thanks to allmighty God,
I am not as unlucky as others who filled themselves up with troubles all the times.
Or maybe I am like them, problems everywhere,
just the positive thinking that I have, keeps me alright.
I do believe that things happen in order, in its arranged form
Sometimes the timings find you in trouble, sometimes it makes you escape from it
Sometimes fates bring up you to somebody, sometimes it just makes you pass through him/her
I think this is fair and fun enough depends on how you see it.

So, let's have fun in our lives, enjoy it to the max and call it 'life'
Troubles are just a small parcel of it, if you are able to handle your psychology
Literally everything can be made right, trust me or not

Cheers,
Ronald

It has been while.....

It has been like forever since last time I said something here.
It's partially caused by my pathetic and busy life for working on my research,
and also I would not spare my laziness for this matter.
Sometimes when you don't feel like doing something, you just don't do it,
nobody can stop you, including yourself.
Anyways, I believe it's almost come to the end as far as my study concerns,
However, it's just a beginning of my life according to my boss,
which I think he is very right on that.
He always says to us that 'PhD is just a licence for doing research,
nothing indifferent from driving or diving licence'.
I have submitted 'the' notice of thesis submission' in which
examiners are basically getting themselves ready to assess my thesis
Officially after 3rd July this year, I am allowed to submit my thesis drafts.
I really hope that I can pass them on around the set time as planned,
since there are many other things else to settle,
like my marriage and job hunting
I will be attending a few conferences next month,
one in UTAR, Kampar, another one at Monash, Subang Jaya,
I will involve in 2 oral presentations and 2 poster presentations,
hopefully I will be lucky enough to grab some awards there.