Shitty insomnia! Keep away from me!

What the heck is going on with me?
I couldn't squirm into my sleeping bag just now
No matter how hard I tried
My heart was pumping quicker than usually it does
Something were haunting me without explanable reasons
actually they can be explained but just a damn shame
Your voice is just all the way around my head
Leave me alone please before i die in hypertension
Guess i'm in real trouble this time
I never felt i am fragile as such

Anyways I am finally ended up here, blogging
hoping to get some release
Ridiculous isn't it, I seriously think so
It has never happened for decades
I mean Insomnia that i'm suffering from now
not even during the time my papa left me
It's unbelievable but it's true
This is insane and it doesn't make any sense at all

Perhaps I was right,
My mind and heart are like cats and dogs now
working and functioning against each other
leaving each other apart further and further
I feel that i no long know myself
Call it spirit shall I, or soul which has gone elsewhere
without a proper permission and notification
I just don't like this kind of mental trauma
Days after days, I am losing my rationale
To decide and do what is correct and what is false

But at least, for Christ's sake, my optimism still,
stays by side firmly which the one and only reason
explaining that i m still alive
it's murmuring to me
keep telling me to advance forward
and take things openly as part parcel of life
boosting me up to be myself
bouncing and motivating me to be courageous
I gotta keep saying to myself that i am unbeatable
For the bygones, for today and for the future

I was too wrong and naive if u wish
for thinkin myself ever be a tough man
I am just a tiny nut as if shrimp in a deep blue sea
I am just too vulnerable
allowing the external opportunistic factors
which really, are just ordinary rubbishes
to tie me up, leaving me immobile

Will call my pal tomorrow
to at least talk about it, and to share it
as it may help in bits meanwhile
not being irony for them
Plus it has been really long
that i didnt make them a call
which i should have done so
Hopefully she is fine

Between, i was thinking about something
while stretching myself
struggling to get myself into a dream just now
It was about what i gonna do next
after getting my honour degree here
Yes, I had made up my mind to get back
to where i originally from
As I was perplexing about life
I am still young, i've still got a plenty time ahead
a big chunks of opportunities await me
but not the elders around me
Their grey hairs are getting more more each day
In the way, their susceptibility to illness or death
are increasing days after days
i mean not to express this as a curse
but it's just happening
life is just too short for one to accomplish his responsibility
But you don't say it before you had tried your best
to at least do something on it
To fix the past to fix the gap
So I will get back once I've done my job here
BAck to the land i belong
the family that used to pamper me a lot
her chest which fairly filled up with love
the greatness on everything she gives to each of us

One year after, i will be right on your side
May you order and instruct me
Everything counts on one self
that's what I believe
environmental factors are just the seconders
under whatever situations and conditions

time to sleep, wish I can
listening to Eason's songs couldn't be making me
more comfortable
As it always does......
great!