Life as a researcher

Wow, this has really been a while. Bad news is I am working temporarily at IMR under a monthly contract, good news is I have finally got a job in KL, at least working on what I am good at I guess. I have heard that many fresh grads out there are having difficulties in securing a job elsewhere, lucky me. Most probably I'll be attending my viva voce at the end of the month, so all the best to me! Hopefully the examiners will not be too picky on my work and thesis write-up, otherwise I will need to take a long leave just to do the correction. My plan is to submit the final copies within two days, though it's a bit absurd but no harm setting yourself a high yet achievable goal. Hope everything will come in cooperation.

Different lab, different cultures as in different countries. I must admit that how the new lab is run is different from my previous lab, and of cause the hierarchy is differed, apparently. I guess I just need to adapt but at same time stand still for what I think is scientifically right, by tolerance of cause. Hopefully people will understand. As a researcher, we should always think of 'tax payer' money instead of government money though they are actually from the same source. Ethic is in our heart, give the best effort on what people (including yourself) have been investing on us. The best proof will be publication from what you have researched on. The information is not only shared nationally but internationally. I personally think that this is best approach for a researcher to give something in return to the society, which has 'shaped' you up regardless of your education level.

Ronald

Self-evaluation

I thought it would be ok to share my feeling now
to make myself feeling better a little bit
and if it is something similar to what you are feeling now
chill up cuz you are not alone

Positive thinking (I think I have it) has been helping me a lot
to deal with things around, whether it is pleasant or not
But there is sometimes like now, that it does not work anymore
The depression level has matured to a point to take it over
And I think this is the first time happening to me
as things went on previously have been great
and never I had this kind of things bothering me so much in my life

From other perspective, it's good
to remind you that great times do not last forever
sometimes things are bad, just to make life more real to you
so that you don't always stay in your wonderland
taking things for granted
There are just things that you can only achieve
by putting hundred times more effort than usual one
like this goddamn degree that I am pursuing now
Whether it's worthy or not, it shall be seen

I do know that the study alone
would never be enough
to create this much of damage to me
it's more like the accumulative stuff
plans after plans for me that did not work out
I am like a big liar to myself.
Things are meant to be achieved not dreamed
I wonder how people can take things so easily
including his/her career that will change their entire life
There are just some places or points that
you can not make a single minor mistake I think
But God bless them, they just can do it
Anyways, I am who I am
I am not gonna adapt myself
to live their lives they want to be

Another thing that really pushing me to edges
is my marriage, I will be a legal husband soon
and yes it is a wonderful thing
when you know your wife is perfect for you
and she deserves a better wedding ceremony
At this point of time, I am really struggling
to find a balance to hold a magnificent wedding
while exceling in my study
Financial is the main culprit,
lacking of psychological support is second
Blame myself for that
choosing to get married at this age
is just not that feasible
for a student, born in middle-class family

The even worst thing is
I may be good I think as a good listener
for friends who are in trouble or dilemma
at least I can cheer them up to a certain extent
if we happen to share with each other
But it's almost impossible for them to
cheer me up if I am the one in dilemma like now
My future wife asks me
'what can I do to make you happy
when you are depressed and sad?'
The great thing is, I dont know either
so I think there is no ways
but to let it healed by nature
Sometimes food, sport and singing may help a little
but certainly not chit-chating,
well, blogging might a little bit helpful
cuz it's a one-way sharing
I am sort of enjoying it

So my advice is never try to get married
upon finishing your PhD,
it will definitely cut your head open!
Either you finish your study first,
or get yourself settled with family first.

Cheers!

Stepping to an almost-final stage

After a-few-week efforts,
I've finally completed my thesis first draft,
and managed to hand them over to my supervisor,
and of cause to his standard,
it's away too far from completion.
Credit goes to a friend of mine,
who wouldn't mind to devote his time
to check my thesis,
very much appreciated his effort.

Next thing to work on is the manusript,
thanks to the 'privilege' that I was given,
I sincerely hope that it will end up in a good journal,
without having to do more experiments,
or if necessary, minor experiments.
Hopefully I can finish the writing in time
then thesis submission, then viva, then PhD.
Then a job, and by that time, hopefully I am qualified
enough to compete with the outside world.
to secure a proper job, and start feeding my family.
For me, that's the only reason why we work so hard
to get money, it's to feed a family, people you love,
and if you have extra,
you should try to 'feed' others as well
whoever deserve to be helped
but that's afterwards, we all have to feed ourselves first,
ironic enough...

Two months down the road,
I'll be a husband of a lovely girl.
Responsibility is there, so I better strive
to make thing happen as planned.
I am not making it as a burden
but a motivation, a driving force
to keep me going,
I just feel more comfortable this way and suitable in a sense

Throughout these few weeks,
I have been working quite tightly with my colleagues.
so call working as a team.
Conflicts do happen and sometimes it's annoying and frustrating
but it makes me clearer on
what kind of person I am, and how I will become
when I will work as a lecturer, researcher, and a supervisor.
We, at least me, never stop learning from what we encounter everyday
After all, learning to live itself is a lifelong dictionary
if you ever realize.

Looking at my progress, I think I am doing not too bad
but certainly going to be away from what as planned
Looks like I really need to work even harder after this
I mean after raya's break
resting is to continue an even longer journey haha
All the best! Good things never end.

Respect Love

Being kind of a self-centered person,
I am never a good love-teller,
all sort of loves,
meaning when I love someone,
I am okay to express it,
but I am not okay at all to say it.
I think many are like me though.

For a person like me,
it really takes me a while
to understand the importance
of telling 'love' at the right time.
But I think I do now,
hopefully it's not too late.
Everyday I am still learning it,
and practising it on a phone.
And it feels just great to love someone 
while you're feeling loved

'We live to experience,
we experience to live'

With experience, you certainly live a life
with a better quality.
Taking about maintaining a relationship,
with times, I have learnt that 'being responsible' 
is no longer enough to eternally keep a relationship.
Personally, I think 'Knowing how to respect each other
'is even more important
than stamping the 'responsibility'
on your forehead to keep you loving

Nobody is perfect,
however a person's strength 
can be maximized while 
his/ her weakness is being minimized,
depending on your judgement.

Perhaps it is true that everyone
has to have at least 'a' strength 
for him/her to earn a respect from others.
However it's very unlikely that 
you are struggling to find one from
the one you love.
If that is the case, 
I suggest you to better leave him/ her
because his/her weakness has probably
masked over his/her strength.

When you respect your loved one,
while you feel you are respected,
nothing can tear you apart.
It's like a electrostatic energy,
holding the particles in place.
But how many people can really understand 
and respect your loved one?
All of us are working very hard towards it

Respect - a simple but a big word

Living a peaceful PhD life

PhD is perhaps the last grade of 'registered' student life
So it's natural that it is tougher than other grades
Funny enough, to sort of making it more relaxed
People have come out with a great variety of 'PhDs'
with respect, of cause
'Permanent head damage'
'Patiently hoping for a degree'
'Probably half dead'
'Pounding head on desk'
'Pleasing heartedly your Doctor'
and many many more
I think all of these are very right
especially the last one
'Pleasing' your Doctor,
but certainly not 'pissing' your Doctor

After almost 2.5 years of study life,
I have some valuable lessons
to really live a successful PhD life,
you have to always strive
to rejuvenate your Dr,
keeping him on top of the world by all means
Like being proactive enough
independent, obedient, disciplinary
or even being 'happy' and showing it
by making your smiling face to cheer him up
not to mention being his 'slave'
It sounds like a hypocrite, but it's how it works
Because at the end of the day
he is the only one who gives you the degree

I have seen too many 'live' examples in the lab
the consequences of every word, action or thought
which sometimes I agree, sometimes don't
It doesn't really matter actually,
as at the end, you are on your own
you drive your relationship with your supervisor,
winning it or losing it, you are solely responsible
so you gotta face it
But sometimes it spreads
people drive moods vice versa moods drive people,
when he is in bad mood due to one person's fault
it's very likely that the whole lab will be blamed
whether it's acceptable or not
For me, that is the art of working as a team,
although your experiment might stand alone
not requiring so much of team work
It's extremely important for you to understand,
trust, support, and also motivate each other,
both mentally and professionally with expertise
Blaming one for his/her fault to ruin the ambience
is not really an option,
unless one is too sturborn to take advice
and making effort to correct it
then God helps him/her

Above is just a word or two of sharing, no offense
people know you are good by feeling it,
not by telling it
Thanks god as far as my progress concerns
I think I am doing fine
thanks to everyone who supports me all these while
Being my balloons to receive my pressure
especially those sport mates

Next month will be an important month
I will call it a month of 'show-to-the-world'
as there will be a number of meetings going on
that we will present our research work
I really hope that everything will go fine
according to the plans and schedules
Time is ticking faster than I have imagined
Getting nervous now while looking forward
all the best to us
May God and His blessings with us!

Life partner - the right choice

Absolute sturborn or principal (adjective) are common characteristics of women
I am not saying we don't have guys with these problems
Sorry, but I think overall statistics suggests that women are more dominant
It might be due to the hormonal wave scientifically (no offense)
Trust me BOYss, girl with either one of these, will kill you in and out
and definitely not a good choice to be your life partner
I have kinda experienced it once in million years
but lucky enough, it's only 'once' in million years, thanks God
She is not as sturborn or principal as others who I have met in my life
and I know there are many more out there that soon enough I have to deal with
Being not so sturborn or principal is good for our relationship,
by minimizing the fightings
but sometimes it harms her in her job at her position
When you are taking charge of something,
you certainly need to be a principal but not sturborn at times
especially when you are working as a professional
where there is a risk to cost a human life
But it's fine, being not so sturborn
enable us to clearly look ourselves back
what kind of person we really are
and being able to criticize ourselves or accept critics
certainly make us better persons, a better partner for each other

Ladies and gentlemen, try not to be sturborn all the times
as it limits your learning, pissing off people around you
and more importantly it shortens your lifespan by emotional killings
Yet we should be principal at times
especially when we are dealing with spontaneous matters
as in the jobs or personal stuffs
Not only you earn other respects, but also your own respect
making you feel motivated in fullfilling your dreams
and living a successful and satisfied life

Selfishness can ruin one's life

I am staying over the weekend in KL,

a place sometimes I'd like to stay,

sometimes I don't, especially when I get caught in the traffic.

It's extremely glad to see that she is doing good

at her new working environment

the business is picking up slowly, but not as bad as we think.

The even exciting thing is that she seems to enjoy 

working there, it's undoubtedly a great experience for her,

preparing for her future

both in knowledge development and management skills

Looking in this way, it has become firm that 

I will be settling down in KL for the next 5 years after my study

Job hunting at points, is going to be very challenging

but for the sake of us

I gotta try really hard to secure a position somewhere here

At times, I feel like working at my hometown, Penang

but looking at the whole picture, it would be selfish if I do that

May everything happen as we wish

Living a meaningful is not impossible after all

Always believe things happen for a reason

Ups and downs always appear in our lives.
Instead of blaming, we should always appreciate
as we are given an opportunity to learn to overcome them.
Every session of problem-solving is a valuable lesson
No pain no gain, I would rather be a person who face problem in occasion
than a person who sails smoothly from the day he blinks still the day he stop blinking
Yes indeed I encounter problem on and off, but thanks to allmighty God,
I am not as unlucky as others who filled themselves up with troubles all the times.
Or maybe I am like them, problems everywhere,
just the positive thinking that I have, keeps me alright.
I do believe that things happen in order, in its arranged form
Sometimes the timings find you in trouble, sometimes it makes you escape from it
Sometimes fates bring up you to somebody, sometimes it just makes you pass through him/her
I think this is fair and fun enough depends on how you see it.

So, let's have fun in our lives, enjoy it to the max and call it 'life'
Troubles are just a small parcel of it, if you are able to handle your psychology
Literally everything can be made right, trust me or not

Cheers,
Ronald

It has been while.....

It has been like forever since last time I said something here.
It's partially caused by my pathetic and busy life for working on my research,
and also I would not spare my laziness for this matter.
Sometimes when you don't feel like doing something, you just don't do it,
nobody can stop you, including yourself.
Anyways, I believe it's almost come to the end as far as my study concerns,
However, it's just a beginning of my life according to my boss,
which I think he is very right on that.
He always says to us that 'PhD is just a licence for doing research,
nothing indifferent from driving or diving licence'.
I have submitted 'the' notice of thesis submission' in which
examiners are basically getting themselves ready to assess my thesis
Officially after 3rd July this year, I am allowed to submit my thesis drafts.
I really hope that I can pass them on around the set time as planned,
since there are many other things else to settle,
like my marriage and job hunting
I will be attending a few conferences next month,
one in UTAR, Kampar, another one at Monash, Subang Jaya,
I will involve in 2 oral presentations and 2 poster presentations,
hopefully I will be lucky enough to grab some awards there.

They grow up, we grow old

I came earlier back to my hometown today, just feel like not working in the lab today. However as usual, I have got enough data to present to my mentor for this week. Research isn't always giving you expected results, that's why we need to experiment it and empirically prove it supported with evidences. Negative results may not be a bad news sometimes as they will improve your understanding and troubleshooting skills, so most of the time I really think that it's more useful than always getting anticipated results, that way it fails to stimulate your mind to think.

I played badminton with my nephew today. He is now able to picking up shutter than from years before. Day by day he is growing up as a handsome and intelligent boy. One thing I don't like about him is that he is so prone to losing focus on almost everything including what he likes. This is a serious problem for him and this stops him from learning. I really wish he can improve this latter in his life, but this of cause requires his parent's attentions. There is limited things that we can do about. He is always a naughty boy, he likes to play fools with people around him. But a good thing is that he is under controls, I have seen kids that are overpowered than their parents and I think that that is totally unacceptable.

Looking at him, and looking back to myself, I feel that the age is catching up. I gotta treasure my health and body, perhaps the fittest at this age, it may or may not abrogate with time from now. Gotta live my life with maximal joys!

Ron

I love my Lap top

I like my current lap top, though with so much of internal damages which of cause, wasn't done by me I guess. Look at my slipper and wallet they will explain that and you will know I treasure things belonged to me more than myself. This piece of genius is actually belonged to my girl friend, thanks to her generosity, I own it since 2 years ago. It's a black HP compaq, age of 6 according to her previous owner, yet still functioning.

The most I like about it is that it's a real motivating friend. When I feel like not doing works, and just wanna watch movie series or even a single downloaded movie, she will stop me right away. When I feel like playing games, again, she stops me right there. So, every attempts were condemned thanks to my fellow companion. She just does not allow me to have a break, but keep working, working and working. By how? by getting angry of me and switching off itself. Electronically speaking, she gets too hot due to the excessive simultaneously running programs and a black-out occurs without warning. You may see it as a malfunction, but I see this as a gift and I really treasure this. It has helped me a lot in my study and my progress. Without you, I am nothing but a flying dust in a gently blowing breeze.

Thanks a lot to you, I love you and I really do, not to forget her previous owner. You make my life!

Ron

Post-doc - is it a feasible option?

An immense sorry to myself for not updating blog. I was busy like hell for the past few months, but it is all worthy I think. My research is going fine and I think 5 to 7 publications are assured for my PhD. A greater news is that completing my PhD in 2-year is not impossible based on current progress. Thanks a lot to my supervisor's pushing and pressurizing.

I may agree everything with my supervisor from a perspective of research, but for life-living, I seriously doubt his philosophy on that. I always think that marriage is one of a perfect thing in life, establishing a family is an art, not to say the learns and shares behind all these, it's just marvelous I think. Tolerance is a key on how two of the individuals work thing out, strive themselves for the sake of next generation, to assure better future. Indeed, it's nothing more fascinating than that, and I think I am prepared for that.

So, 1 and the half years down the road, I gonna be a so called 'Dr.', but nothing more than just the calling/ addressing of title. PhD is just a licence for you to do research, as always reminded by my supervisor. True enough, so my next plan is of importance. And people change, previously I was thinking to stay in this country for the career. But now, after some brain-feeding, I might be going to Singapore for my post-doctorate. For my long-term investment, I think it is really good for my career (If only I successfully secure a job there). Glad enough, my family is on my side that this decision. Though I realize that it gonna be challenging and tough, with all the supports, I think that it's doable.

No perfect match in the world

Indeed, I buy it when my mentor told me that 'there isn't such thing as perfect match in the world'. It is literally true as somehow you will find people around you in which his/her spouse ended up with, was not the type of partner which was his/her first choice. I totally agree with it as i think that this is what actually happening to me, maybe similar to my partner or perhaps you yourself.

It doesn't matter as long as the happiness or sweetness are felt by each other, with that, any gaps can be filled. However, that is not the usual cases, people may find out the weaknesses of each other, and then tried hard to make them as excuses for reasons to break up, especially during puppies love, but this matter also carries weight in a married family as well as a family with kids.

So, make sure you don't find a totally imperfect person to your particular standard. Sometimes, I really get angry with her when something goes wrong, frequently as a matter of fact, but to some extent, I hold my breath and ask myself, why would you have to be so angry? Scientifically, It's not giving you any harm, just herself, you are not losing a piece of your skin nor flesh. Let her rot, let her decomposited, she might not think that there is a need for you to scold her or any room to give any advices, in her point of view, I might be just a bloody emotionally ill-tempered moron, that's all I am.

I am not going to tell my initiatives to bark on somebody here though it's pretty obvious, who cares anyways, people may have thousands kinds of thoughts on you to make you emotionally annoyed and down, the crucial factor is yourself, as long as you are strong enough to withstand, nothing's gonna hit you down, nothing at all.

So be yourself, there is no point finding a doll as your partner who could not even find ways to understand your initiatives which is for her own good. In this case, blaming is not just a game, as simple as that, it's A SIN!

I have become bad-tempered lately to her only, it's strange, strange that I couldn't find the reason why. Perhaps I should learn from my faults, but I did try to so something good, but it did not work out eventually, whenever I try to treat somebody better, that somebody will turn and give me a bite, then I will just give it a slap, that's it, everything's blown away.......

A type of person like should have gone for an arranged marriage just like most of our indian friends do.....

Recent status?

1 Nov - 21 Feb, it's almost 4 months now, in fact this is my 2nd semester doing my post-grad here. When I looked into myself about what I had done in the past 'semester', I think that is ok, I feel no need to say sorry to myself.

In the past semester, I had got my scholarship, covering tuition fees and 2.3k per month for allowance, I think it wasn't a bad option, just that in return I have got to work in M'sia at least 5 years after getting my PhD. I think this is all right for a person like me that had started feeling a need to settle down.

I have no intention to do my post-doc or getting a job overseas, at least by far. However, I have a strong instinct that I should stay and try to build up my career at KL, but that would be happening after 2 years. It's always good to have a plan though, PLANS GIVE NO HARMS.

Nowadays, I think my supervisor has been putting much pressures on me, not really pressure actually, It's the expectation or demand that he has risen it up, he seems to be stressed up these days by his grant defense, hopefully he will be fine. And for some reasons, I think that the way he treats me is extremely different from how he does to others, not the bad side, but the up-side. I am not really certain if this is a good thing or not. Anyways, I will try my best to finish my research within these 2 years and go KL for my continuous life.

Sometimes, I just feel that my responsibility is there, but shameful to say that I don't really know how to execute it, maybe I am just too weak on this aspect. Just assume that I am still studying, taking no charge of the execution of responsibility. I can only make it real after 2 years. Give myself a period, maybe this is not a bad idea.......

Transition Stage

After nearly a month of rest plus trip, I find it hard to make a come-back to my brand new study/ working life, however I am certain that this is just a transition stage, and this is pretty much normal. After a week of continuous jobs, i will be just fine getting back to my actual life, lighting up the flame of my heart. A very first step to achieve this is to drench myself with trillions of papers, accustom my mind to a used-to-be me, it will take some times undeniably. 14th November is an important day to open a new chapter up in my life - the day I officially join my institute, this may be nothing to anybody, but it is different, very different to me because only me myself knew how hard I have come through. Moreover, there is nothing to talk about or kinda highlight on as a great achievement since there is still a long way to go to reach the space. I am confident to be slightly different from other graduates after a gain of experience from different departments, but this will not stop me down. I believe that making an ideal person as an idol could help and boost me up to shine in the field, I have got one already. Because of him, I know my degree is on safe hand in 2.5 years. Looking forward to join you all!

MY HEART, MY FUTURE, MY DECISION

Flipping a new chapter of life

Finally I got my admission letter after so long of waiting waiting and waiting, at least I am not doing it for vain like a boy's waiting for his set meal in the restaurant without taking order. Anyways, my study life is starting soon, hopefully I can get a conducive place to stay for coming months, most importantly the communication between us - group mates and supervisors, all the best to me.

More competitions to go this month, I really hope I can make it monstered by interests. I am going for my registration tomorrow and also to meet one of my co-supervisors at the main campus, I am sure the meeting will be great and smooth.

........a man is nothing without a dream.....

my first post

今天过了漫长的一天，
为部门的Datin欢送，
大家都穿上红衣，好像过新年。
她很令人尊敬，我想她走后我们损失会很大。
说真的，在政府部门工作，
这里让我看到各种人，
当然有些很勤劳，
可是有些人却比较懒散，
有时会忍不住看不过眼，
人多是非多，
我最近学会了要管好自己，做好自己本分就好。
最重要对得起自己。

7月尾声了，8月让我 期待，
有很多和dear的计划，
想念他，
思念是一种很玄的东西，hehe..

A bizarre feeling

I felt kinda released hearing that my presentation and the proposal went well and I will get the posted letter from USM soon, which is an acceptance letter. I really wish that this is true after so many things turned up. Now I know that applying for a studyship is not an easy procedure, in and out, from the first day you find your potential supervisor till you get your offer letter, communication with your supervisor is the key and finding a kind and knowledgeable one is a crucial credit, and I hope that I have one.

The feeling is nothing more, but odd. While waiting for the letter, I am planning for my on-coming trip to HK, as usual, I am the planner. 5 of us are going, Mum, me, cheng, sis, and ping, hope that it gonna be a wonderful trip. Other than HK city, we plan to visit ShenZhen, Zhuhai and Macau which is an one-week tour, the whole trip.

Few months passed, Making me more matured?

I was too tired (lazy perhaps) to write anything on here for the past few months. Though tonnes of things turned up. So now I am currently waiting for my reply from USM for my PhD. Just hope that It will go smoothly and the outcome would be what I expected. Months passed, making my thinkin more matured (I THINK) and more acceptable to what I really want myself to be in the future - which is simply LIFE. With all the motivation and support from my potential supervisor and also my family, I knew that the choices I made were correct and I am goin into it! Reading papers or in other words, gaining knowledge can be an enjoyable process, sometime and it happens unconsciously. Lecturing is a way to find your confidence and I agree with this as well. More and more FREE lessons and phrases I heard were actually from nowhere, but from my going-to-be supervisor. Wish to work with him one day or maybe soon. He is a nice guy and knowledgeable at least to me at this current level of knowledge.

When a Biology graduate becomes a Chemist

3 May is the day I gona begin my career all over again. 'All over again'? Not that bad I guess, it sounds like a man who has been just annouced 'bankrupt'. But it's a big matter for me, I can't determine whether it's a right choice or not, but it's just it, go on with anything from your bottom of your heart, that will be great, that's what I always insist. And, I think it makes sense since your heart(mind) is the primary source which drives everything, things you like, dislike, hate and so forth.

It's a little bit of 'nervous' when you ask me 'what you feel on your 'new' job? I think it should be a plus on it which are interesting and excited since it's quite ideally a different field from what I have been dealing with before - histology (human organs & tissues) and serology (human blood and serum), and very soon, food whether it's rotted or in well condition gonna be my babies soon. Welcome to BP Food Testing! I am gonna face them for the next 5 months until I end my contract and service here.

Finally I submitted all the documents to USM IPS for my PhD application. Relieved? Partially or No, not until I get my offer letter from the university. Next will be the scholarship, Life is never-ending at this stage, really. But it is blessed that we live with hopes and faiths. I think after this, Knowledge will be the only guide in my life since I chose this path, to study, to be a research, to publish papers, to be recognised. Hopefully my supervisor is not too bad in his guide to make me through all the way long.

All da best to me and TO my Colleagues and Friends....Missss yehhhh....