Life as a researcher

Wow, this has really been a while. Bad news is I am working temporarily at IMR under a monthly contract, good news is I have finally got a job in KL, at least working on what I am good at I guess. I have heard that many fresh grads out there are having difficulties in securing a job elsewhere, lucky me. Most probably I'll be attending my viva voce at the end of the month, so all the best to me! Hopefully the examiners will not be too picky on my work and thesis write-up, otherwise I will need to take a long leave just to do the correction. My plan is to submit the final copies within two days, though it's a bit absurd but no harm setting yourself a high yet achievable goal. Hope everything will come in cooperation.

Different lab, different cultures as in different countries. I must admit that how the new lab is run is different from my previous lab, and of cause the hierarchy is differed, apparently. I guess I just need to adapt but at same time stand still for what I think is scientifically right, by tolerance of cause. Hopefully people will understand. As a researcher, we should always think of 'tax payer' money instead of government money though they are actually from the same source. Ethic is in our heart, give the best effort on what people (including yourself) have been investing on us. The best proof will be publication from what you have researched on. The information is not only shared nationally but internationally. I personally think that this is best approach for a researcher to give something in return to the society, which has 'shaped' you up regardless of your education level.

Ronald

Self-evaluation

I thought it would be ok to share my feeling now
to make myself feeling better a little bit
and if it is something similar to what you are feeling now
chill up cuz you are not alone

Positive thinking (I think I have it) has been helping me a lot
to deal with things around, whether it is pleasant or not
But there is sometimes like now, that it does not work anymore
The depression level has matured to a point to take it over
And I think this is the first time happening to me
as things went on previously have been great
and never I had this kind of things bothering me so much in my life

From other perspective, it's good
to remind you that great times do not last forever
sometimes things are bad, just to make life more real to you
so that you don't always stay in your wonderland
taking things for granted
There are just things that you can only achieve
by putting hundred times more effort than usual one
like this goddamn degree that I am pursuing now
Whether it's worthy or not, it shall be seen

I do know that the study alone
would never be enough
to create this much of damage to me
it's more like the accumulative stuff
plans after plans for me that did not work out
I am like a big liar to myself.
Things are meant to be achieved not dreamed
I wonder how people can take things so easily
including his/her career that will change their entire life
There are just some places or points that
you can not make a single minor mistake I think
But God bless them, they just can do it
Anyways, I am who I am
I am not gonna adapt myself
to live their lives they want to be

Another thing that really pushing me to edges
is my marriage, I will be a legal husband soon
and yes it is a wonderful thing
when you know your wife is perfect for you
and she deserves a better wedding ceremony
At this point of time, I am really struggling
to find a balance to hold a magnificent wedding
while exceling in my study
Financial is the main culprit,
lacking of psychological support is second
Blame myself for that
choosing to get married at this age
is just not that feasible
for a student, born in middle-class family

The even worst thing is
I may be good I think as a good listener
for friends who are in trouble or dilemma
at least I can cheer them up to a certain extent
if we happen to share with each other
But it's almost impossible for them to
cheer me up if I am the one in dilemma like now
My future wife asks me
'what can I do to make you happy
when you are depressed and sad?'
The great thing is, I dont know either
so I think there is no ways
but to let it healed by nature
Sometimes food, sport and singing may help a little
but certainly not chit-chating,
well, blogging might a little bit helpful
cuz it's a one-way sharing
I am sort of enjoying it

So my advice is never try to get married
upon finishing your PhD,
it will definitely cut your head open!
Either you finish your study first,
or get yourself settled with family first.

Cheers!

Stepping to an almost-final stage

After a-few-week efforts,
I've finally completed my thesis first draft,
and managed to hand them over to my supervisor,
and of cause to his standard,
it's away too far from completion.
Credit goes to a friend of mine,
who wouldn't mind to devote his time
to check my thesis,
very much appreciated his effort.

Next thing to work on is the manusript,
thanks to the 'privilege' that I was given,
I sincerely hope that it will end up in a good journal,
without having to do more experiments,
or if necessary, minor experiments.
Hopefully I can finish the writing in time
then thesis submission, then viva, then PhD.
Then a job, and by that time, hopefully I am qualified
enough to compete with the outside world.
to secure a proper job, and start feeding my family.
For me, that's the only reason why we work so hard
to get money, it's to feed a family, people you love,
and if you have extra,
you should try to 'feed' others as well
whoever deserve to be helped
but that's afterwards, we all have to feed ourselves first,
ironic enough...

Two months down the road,
I'll be a husband of a lovely girl.
Responsibility is there, so I better strive
to make thing happen as planned.
I am not making it as a burden
but a motivation, a driving force
to keep me going,
I just feel more comfortable this way and suitable in a sense

Throughout these few weeks,
I have been working quite tightly with my colleagues.
so call working as a team.
Conflicts do happen and sometimes it's annoying and frustrating
but it makes me clearer on
what kind of person I am, and how I will become
when I will work as a lecturer, researcher, and a supervisor.
We, at least me, never stop learning from what we encounter everyday
After all, learning to live itself is a lifelong dictionary
if you ever realize.

Looking at my progress, I think I am doing not too bad
but certainly going to be away from what as planned
Looks like I really need to work even harder after this
I mean after raya's break
resting is to continue an even longer journey haha
All the best! Good things never end.

Respect Love

Being kind of a self-centered person,
I am never a good love-teller,
all sort of loves,
meaning when I love someone,
I am okay to express it,
but I am not okay at all to say it.
I think many are like me though.

For a person like me,
it really takes me a while
to understand the importance
of telling 'love' at the right time.
But I think I do now,
hopefully it's not too late.
Everyday I am still learning it,
and practising it on a phone.
And it feels just great to love someone 
while you're feeling loved

'We live to experience,
we experience to live'

With experience, you certainly live a life
with a better quality.
Taking about maintaining a relationship,
with times, I have learnt that 'being responsible' 
is no longer enough to eternally keep a relationship.
Personally, I think 'Knowing how to respect each other
'is even more important
than stamping the 'responsibility'
on your forehead to keep you loving

Nobody is perfect,
however a person's strength 
can be maximized while 
his/ her weakness is being minimized,
depending on your judgement.

Perhaps it is true that everyone
has to have at least 'a' strength 
for him/her to earn a respect from others.
However it's very unlikely that 
you are struggling to find one from
the one you love.
If that is the case, 
I suggest you to better leave him/ her
because his/her weakness has probably
masked over his/her strength.

When you respect your loved one,
while you feel you are respected,
nothing can tear you apart.
It's like a electrostatic energy,
holding the particles in place.
But how many people can really understand 
and respect your loved one?
All of us are working very hard towards it

Respect - a simple but a big word